Time for a perspective change.
When I first heard this, I thought it was total nonsense!
How can someone control their thoughts and how can these thoughts or worries truly affect the way life is going to be? None of it made logical sense to me. I wanted to believe it to be true, but I did not know how. The moment that this stuck into my awareness was when I was sitting in the car, being dropped off to my home by a friend who is a yoga teacher and practitioner. I was in a state of depression for some time already and that day our other friend just left his body in an accident. She said, “you know you can change this, you can change your experience and the way you think and feel. You have the choice. It is actually your choice to suffer and be like this.” I so badly wanted to change my reality and was desperate to be living life in a different way, but these words really rocked my world. I was so angry with her words because I had no clue how to do what she was saying. To me I was sick, I had a biochemical imbalance, and that was just my isness as I saw it.
Then yoga came into my life in a deeper way. I had already been practicing for one year when I heard these words from my friend, but it was not until another year later that I realized what it all meant and how this works. I went to my first yoga teacher training in Rishikesh, India with Guru, Master, and Thought Leader, Anand Mehrotra. This is where the real transformation happened. My world as I knew it that had already been ripped apart, was ripped apart in a whole new way. It was a month of transformational practice, experiences, and wisdom. When I went to India for the training I was already on medical leave from work with a traumatic brain injury from a skiing accident, so I arrived with a very blank slate and open palate to receive all that I needed to.
The kriya practices, pranayama, and meditation totally rewired my brain on a neuron and synapse connection level and the wisdom soaked up like a sponge within every cell of my being. When I arrived in India, I was raw, open, and in complete surrender to God’s will, even though I would never say or be open to the word “God,” due to my conditioning and negative relationship with religion at that time.
Nonetheless, I was healing on all levels of my being. I was learning about consciousness, the energetic body, the chakras, vibration, and all aspects of yoga. It was the first time I had become aware of energy and how energy affects us. I knew everything was linked, just from my experiences within the last 3 years before my training. It had to all be linked. For me to go through what I went through, it had to be a synchronistic set of events to take me somewhere, it was some sort of fucked up miracle of pain and love. The suffering that lead to deep and authentic realizations. The gift of waking up to something so much greater than the mundane reality of existence. Well the suffering ended and the realizations became abundant. I was advised to return to work at the hospital as a pediatric bedside nurse for at least another year, even though my desire to do so was fluctuating at that point. I returned to the hospital and was able to function with my brain in full capacity upon my return. The advice I got before going back was, “change yourself and everything will change. You can only help the system from within, so change the way you operate and the job will change.” So this is exactly what I did.
I returned to the same surgical floor of the pediatric hospital with an all new perspective. I moved an hour and a half away from the hospital to a beautiful mountainside home. This gave me ninety minutes to chant sanskrit mantra before and after work, as I watched the sun rise and the moon set. I would arrive to work in total bliss from the mantras and the beautiful nature that I passed by on my way to work. Some people questioned in a joking manner if I was high on something because I was so happy and full of joy to be there, they felt it was just too odd.
I changed myself and everything around me changed. I had begun meditating twice a day, morning and night, and had techniques to reset myself throughout the day. It was so crazy, before India, I had a “black cloud” at work, and after, no “black cloud.” I no longer worried about my patient assignment or allowed stress to creep in. I had a deep knowing that I would be able to get everything done and only the best outcome was going to happen with all of my patients. I no longer allowed for any thoughts of fear or doubt to enter. I knew they were sick and complex patients, but the fear had dropped. That pressure that I held on myself of perfection was no longer there. I had already been a nurse for eight years, so I knew what was priority and what could wait a little longer. I felt, hey if I get fired for doing my best, so be it. I spent more time relating with the patients and their parents and less time stressing about time, charting, and nonsense of the corporate environment. Because of the meditation, I was more focused, clear, and able to get the work done quicker. I was actually present and not trying to multitask like I had been taught.
The power of presence healed me and all those around me. People would ask how my day was, even if I knew it was a crazy day, I would not think or speak to it, I just did this motion “shiva kriya” with my hands and all would giggle at me. They thought I was crazy and weird but I did not care, I enjoyed. They knew I did not want to feed any negative thoughts or activity. I just focused on bringing the light and cheer. Some families and parents would ask, you are different, what is it? I just said “yoga” and smiled. I was different, the experience of my work was different, and therefore the outcome was different. My patients thrived and despite their complexities, I had fairly simple and ease filled days, even though my cohorts were still running around stressed and reactive. This was when I was totally wowed by the fact that I can create my reality and what I experience in this life. My thoughts were positive, my experience was of bliss and joy, and therefore, so was that of my patients and families. The energy you have directly affects all those around you and the space you enter unless there is a being who has a similar or a stronger auric field. This was proven to me through my own experience. I corrected the energy and therefore the experience. The power of positivity and thoughts is real, and can have an immense impact on all people you come into contact with as long as you have a consistent practice and technique backing it!